Saturday, January 14, 2017

Rumors of my death...



have been at least somewhat exaggerated.

I am still alive, and I actually did some work in Daz3D today.


Trying to learn this new version of the program is a bit difficult for me right now.
Hope to get it worked out soon.  I miss creating.



That being said...
Here is what I did today!


Huggles, Faerie

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Added a Blinkie & the Proper Linkie!

I'm so proud of me!  I figured out how to add Manipulated by Magik's Blinkie to my page!  I just bought her new Steam Punk'd kit and am looking forward to playing with it ASAP!

Huggles, Faerie

Thursday, April 25, 2013

My Mum Crossed Over

My Mum crossed over 10 February 2013.  "Failure to Thrive"  I've heard of that in babies but never for a 78 (she just had a birthday in January) year old grown woman.

Anyway, the Pixie and I drove up there late in January.  I visited her in the Nursing Home a few times and Pixie came once.  I didn't want to have Pixie remember her that way but I did want her to have the opportunity to say the I Love You and such things to her Gma and for Gma to hear them.

I did not visit as much as I should have.  Mum did not recognize me when I walked into her room and it took several attempts with me telling her that I am her daughter (and saying my name) before she was able to grasp that it was really me.  She apologized for that [silly woman] and I explained to her that I was not offended and that she wasn't expecting me so her confusion was perfectly understandable.  We talked a bit that day.  Me telling her that when she is strong enough she's going to come visit with us (come to live with us but not phrasing it that way so as to not stress her out about it).  On that visit she asked if my Pixie was with me and I told her yes, but not at the facility.  She was glad of that (didn't want Pixie to see her like this) and told me that she had seen Pixie playing in the snow and wanted to know if that was real.  I told her that Pixie had been playing in the snow and had a wonderful time building a little snow fort.

The days that I did not visit I did call.

After that first visit I was never again able to hear what she was saying.  On my last "in person" visit she said only two things that I was able to understand "I don't know him" and "I can see him ... but I can't touch..."  I'm assuming she was referring to God.  Mind you she was the most spiritual [Christian] that I have ever known (I truly believe the woman is a saint and have said it regularly for most of my life "My Mother the Saint").  I cannot believe that she should have had any fear about meeting her maker with how religious she was.  Though I sincerely hope that her God, my Father/her Husband, her Parents and everybody else who has gone on before had a talk with her about the choices she made toward the end and/or perhaps rather the lack of choices she made.

I could not sit by her bed holding her hand and watching her kill herself.  I simply could not.  I suppose that means I'm awful.  I know I "should" have been by her side night and day until she passed.  I simply could not do it.  On my last in person visit I told her I love her, I told her she could go, it is okay for her to go.  I told her we would miss her and that although I didn't understand the choices I respect her decisions.  She was talking the whole time.  I couldn't hear her, neither could the Nurses.  I finally gave up trying to hear her and said "I hope you're praying because if you're talking to me I cannot hear you, I'm sorry."

You see she refused tests, she stopped taking medications she needed, she refused treatments (I'm saying that her "I'll think about it" qualifies as "refusal").  This started about September 2011 actually before that but I was not acutely aware of what was going on with her.  At that time the three different medical facilities wanted to do tests to determine what was going on. For almost a year and a half she "thought about it" but never had an answer as to what she had decided after all that "thinking".  "Not making a choice IS a choice" I kept telling her for a year and a half.

Her passive-aggressive nature killed her.

She was had gotten better, gotten up to her normal weight, doing well in her Physical and Occupational therapies. We were all set to go get her.  Her room was nearly ready, Hubby was going to take care of the last bits after we found out if she needed a hospital type bed or if a regular bed would be okay...

She was bleeding internally and because she refused tests and treatments for that condition she declined again.  I still believe that if she had simply had the tests and had the appropriate treatments for what the results revealed that she would be alive today.  Happy, healthy and enjoying her life.  They were sending her out from time to time for blood transfusion and then she started the "I'll think about it." for the transfusions.  She never had another one.  She refused to go to hospital where she could have been treated medically for the dehydration, anemia, etc.  She was on Oxygen 24/7 the last few weeks (she would only use it part time prior to that despite the Doctor's instruction for her to use it all the time).  She had "End Stage COPD" and stopped using her inhalers but did (toward the end) have her nebulizer treatments but that was only because she was desperate to breath.  At least she did that.

She stopped eating.  I simply do not understand how such a religious woman could choose to commit suicide by passivity.  Hubby said, and I must agree, that she decided that God needed to either cure her or take her.

Pixie and I ended up being at her apartment for 3 months...almost to the day.  It was very difficult.  We're not used to snow and the complications it brings.  I had to search out things [like the safe deposit box key] and make the funeral arrangements, sell her car, try to sift through belongings (I really did not succeed with that - I did managed to stack up the mountains of religious books, CDs, Audio Cassettes, DVDs and VHS Tapes.  That was quite a task.  It looked like a religious book store in there.  I don't think even a Christian bookstore would have the inventory that she had - I plan to give those to her Church when we go back up to bury her ashes).  My plan is to put my Father's ashes in the same grave with my Mum, they will be next to her parents.  My Father passed in 1987.  In all this time we have not been able to do with his ashes as he asked so this is what I have decided to do.  At least they will be together.  I hope he doesn't mind that we were unable to carry out his quirky wishes..  So that will mean getting a stone too.  I should probably arrange for that before we go back up so the stone can be placed at the same time as the ashes are interred.  When we go back we are also going to hire movers to empty the apartment and will ship the things down here to put in storage until we can get everything gone through and distributed as is appropriate.

Going through her clothes stopped me dead in my tracks.  I did well for a while, but then I just couldn't do anymore.  I was beside myself... One of Mum's neighbors and I were chatting and she mentioned that she still has some of her husbands clothes.  What is it about their clothes?  It's hard to do the clothes.  My Grandmother had the same issue after my Grandfather crossed.  She simply could not get rid of his clothes.  I thought it was silly at the time.  Now I know, it IS hard to do the clothes.

I think I'm still in shock.  Leaving there was very hard.  In some ways it cemented that she is gone.  We were supposed to bring her home with us.

It's an odd feeling to be an orphan at 53.  Yep, this has been a lot about "me".  Not as cathartic as I had hoped.

The people there spoke of her in such warm and glowing terms.  I'm glad they knew her that way.  I envy them in that.  She kept me at arms length, with us she was not the person they knew.

Perhaps that was the worst thing.  Hearing all the wonderful things people had to say about her and not knowing that woman.

Huggles, Faerie

Monday, September 12, 2011

Angel Kitty

Miss Angel Kitty passed away last night.
We are so grateful that she chose to share the last 6 years with us.
Huggles, Faerie

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Angel Kitty

My dear sweet Angel Kitty is not doing well.  They do not expect her to survive the night.  We went to go see her at the Vet's and she is in really horrible shape.  She is not breathing well at all, very laboured, and her kidneys have pretty much shut down.  She cannot use her limbs but that did not stop her from trying to get up (she wanted desperately to come to us...in hopes we would take her home I'm guessing). She tried to talk to us, she's a real talker, and that was heart wrenching as each attempt exhausted her.
We petted, we kissed, we scootcheled, we cried.
We told her that if she needs to move on she should feel free to go.  We want what is best for her.  We asked her not to hold on for "us", but to go if she needs to.  We DO want her in our lives, but more importantly we do NOT want her to suffer.  We told her to rest, and to feel free to let go, we told her we love her so much and we want what is best for her. We reminded her that we would ALWAYS be together and that we would see her on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge...no matter when she goes.

I left my sweater for her.  Whenever I am away from her she sleeps on my sweaters.  Hopefully that will give her some measure of comfort in these hours before we get back or before she goes.

I don't mind saying that our hearts are breaking.

We are so very grateful to the worker at the Vet's office.  She took time out of her life to call us and let us know that Angel is not expected to survive the night.  AND she offered for us to come and see Angel.  She stayed and patiently waited for use to get there and then she gave us privacy to visit with Angel.  Her shift was over probably around the time she called us and she stayed so late, just allowing us time with Miss Angel.
I will never be able to express our gratitude to this lovely woman.  We thanked her, profusely, for her kindness and for taking this time away from her own life and other responsibilities to allow us the time with Angel.

She is our Hurricane Katrina rescue kitty.  Her owners left her in the house when they evacuated.  A huge tree crashed into the roof, nearly to the first floor of a two story house, with two cats inside.  They came and got some of their possessions but still left the cats behind.  For MONTHS!!!  I started taking care of "kitty" when I got back from evacuation. I went into the house to dig through the asbestos and stuff to find "kitty's" sister and put flea medicine on her as the person purportedly caring for the cats said the house was infested with fleas.  I found the other cat and put flea stuff on her. Eventually we got permission to remove the other cat from the house.  "kitty" let herself out of the house through the gaping hole in the roof which is why I was able to start taking care of her. She had been living in the wild since the Hurricane.
"Kitty" I was later to find out was what she called the cat...in 9 or 10 years she had never bothered to name the cat.  She sorta answered to "kitty" so I added Angel in front of the kitty when her owner decided that she would be willing to allow me to adopt her little gray cat saying that I could take better care of her than she could.  She then became our little "Angel Kitty".  (Her sister, the other cat in the house, also had no real name, they called her simply "Fat Cat", we took care of her for a couple of months as well.)

For the last 6 years she has been a treasured part of our family.  We have been so blessed to have her with us, we hope that we have blessed her as well.  I know the love is mutual.  She showed us in thousands of ways that she loves us and I hope she knows how much she is loved by us, now and forever.

Sadly I am also having a crisis of faith now.
Every single thing I have asked for favor for our family has gone exactly opposite of my pleas.  There are too many to list here, none of them earth shattering, didn't ask for outrageous assistance.  Each and every one denied.  I've kept telling myself that it's for the best, that there is something we need to learn from these trials and tribulations...
So I fear to ask for intervention for Miss Angel.
If I do she stands no chance at all...
If anybody happens to read this I would appreciate your supplications on Angel's behalf.
She is a beautiful soul and deserves better than what she's getting right now.
No matter what I ask, or how I might ask it, I am sure to get the worst possible outcome for her.
I appreciate any help for her.
Thank You!
Huggles, Faerie

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Dang That Hurts!

Tonight I apparently decided that I didn't have ENOUGH pain.  I was going into the back of the Van to grab leftovers from our good-bye dinner with some friends...
Hit the little button on the key-fob and head into the back of the Van, as I am leaning down to grab the food stuff I hear the lift gate beeping (which means it's going up, or in this case ... down).  So, being the totally brilliant woman that I am I start to stand up to step out of the way.  NOT one of my proudest moments, nor one of my most intelligent...
As I came up, and the Lift Gate (is that what it's called?) came down...well, my head and the gate decided to become better acquainted.
The language I used is not fit to print here...needless to say it was colorful!
No blood, a good thing, headache (already had a budding migraine) really bad!  But, my sunglasses (which were on top of my head at the time...so they dug into my head as well) do not appear to have been damaged.  With the noise my head made when it hit I am AMAZED that the glassed did not break in half...and am even more amazed that I didn't crack open my skull.
Am going to go back to putting ice on my head (what a lovely goose-egg I have) and hopefully go to sleep soon.
This is my first moment to get on the computer, and sadly too short.

In the Good News department...they say my wound is HEALED!  I'm not completely out of the woods, I have to protect it from damage as I can split it back open (just the thinnest layer of skin), keep the swelling down so that doesn't break it open either...need to get support sox for the upcoming long drive.

HOWEVER, I am technically HEALED!!!

Now we must do the dance of joy!!!

And now I must get my ice pack again!
Huggles, Faerie

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sadness & Joy

My Mother-In-Law, who also happens to have been one on my very best friends for the last 25 years (only my MIL for the last 13 years - long story), passed away 29 July 2011 @ 1238pm.
We are all still in shock, even though we KNEW it was coming.  She had managed to hang on days longer than expected.  We were trying to figure out how to get there to be with her and had decided, due to financial issues, that only hubby could go.  Ultimately he is the most important one in who MIL needed to have there.
While making preparations for the trip, he was leaving in a few hours, the call came that she had crossed.
I was in the waiting room of a doctor's appointment when I got the news.  She quite literally crossed as I was leaving the house to go to my appointment.  I had called just an hour or so before I left.
I know that I can be more eloquent but it's late at night and it's been a heck of a day and the preceding weeks.
She had lived for 45 years with debilitating chronic pain, the last years it seemed as if every year she developed some new disease/disorder.  Her body was betraying her at every turn.
The joy I have is that she is now free of that.  She loves to dance and the last years she had difficulty walking...so at the moment i see her dancing.  She is in a sunny bright meadow, surrounded by butterflies, bubbles and dandelion fluff floating on gentle breezes...and she is dancing, she is laughing, she is happy and free of the burdens her health had created.
Times like this are the absolute epitome of bittersweet.
I need to try to rest.  I'm having a hard time with that since I've been calling the hospital every few hours, day and night, for the last weeks.  I keep reaching for the phone to check on her.

Darling, I love you and I miss you.
Dance, Laugh, Rejoice!
Huggles, Faerie

Saturday, May 28, 2011

My Bad!

My Twin Sista (from another Mother) pointed out my mistake... It is Snow White in the glass coffin... NOT Sleeping Beauty.  OOPSIE!

Huggles, Faerie

Friday, May 27, 2011

MIA Again.....

I thought I would repost this here for the people I'm missing via my Yahoo! Groups.  I know I have SO many readers here...but it's worth a shot...an maybe it still reaches some of my FB peeps too.

I would love to say that my MIA time has been fun.  But, it hasn't.
I cannot believe that it's been almost a week now since I even got near my computer.
Last weekend my pain level went way up and my ability to walk went way down.
I've spent the last week with my foot up debating if gnawing it off would hurt less.
I've decided that I want to keep the ankle...trusting that the pain will eventually improve.
I'm doing better in the Hyperbaric Chamber and the Tech is enjoying our movie collection.  I've been bringing mostly action movies to keep me distracted.  They're not necessarily my favorite types of films but they are good for keeping me distracted.
"Watch the Movie, Watch the Movie, Watch the Movie" is still my mantra in the tube (I think it's like the glass coffin from Sleeping Beauty.
I've attached a picture of the Chamber (this one looks the most like what I'm in).
I still think it's a bit ironic that I used to work for a company that makes chambers and now I'm in one.  I think I prefer the roomier chambers that my former employer made.  Here is a link to their site (if anybody wants to see).  One of the worst jobs I ever had.  I still have periodic nightmares about the guy who runs the company.  They made great chambers but the boss' people skills left something to be desired.

Anywho... I have not fallen off the face of the planet.  Just been unable to brave the discomfort to sit down at the computer, knowing I have stuff to do, and precious people to spend time with....but...

Please forgive.
Huggles, Faerie

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Blog Hoppers!

I am going to try to upload previews of what Cookie items I have available to help you be able to be specific about what you want within what I have available.
I will post the link when I manage to get that finished.
Huggles, Faerie

Sunday, May 15, 2011

My First Attempt....

Well, kept looking at various people's blinkies and tried and tried to figure out what they had done.
Just winging it all on my own here is my rudimentary 1st Attempt:
 
However a wonderful person [am I allowed to say your name?] contacted me and is helping me out with encouraging words and tut links!
I promise my next attempt will be better!

Huggles, Faerie

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Desperately ISO [In Search Of]

I am DESPERATELY ISO a tut for how to make the type of blinkie/banner over there to the right for the blog hop.
I have been searching for about a week now and, although everybody seems to have one of these fabulous things, nobody seems to have written a tut for it.  At least not that I can find.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
I cannot afford to hire it done so I need to learn how to do it myself.

Huggles, Faerie

Monday, May 2, 2011

Blue Fae Cookie by Pixie - FREEBIE


Back again with a new Cookie for you!  This is "Blue Fae" made by my Pretty Pixie!  She wants to offer this little darlin' as a Freebie for you (we all love the Freebies!).

Just right click and save her to your computer. Enjoy! Have Fun!

If you download please leave some love for my  Pixie in the form of a comment so she will know how many people downloaded her Cookie Fairy.  
Thanks Bunches!!!

If you make anything with her we would love to see it!

We hope you have a GREAT Day!

Huggles,
Faerie and Pixie

Blue Fae Cooke by PHP - TOU

Thank you for downloading my Cookie!
Peace and Love,
Pixie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Terms of Use:
You may use my Cookie freely, however, please do not claim her as your own creation.
I have not just time and effort invested in my little gem, but also money.
I purchased the pieces used to make her.
I am not asking for money for my Cookie, only that you do not claim her as your own, that you do not share her without credits or use her without credit back to me and Mom.
Blog:  http://faerieheart.blogspot.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Credits:
Cookie by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

ElfQueen Hair Cookie Mix & Match Hair Refits
Mesh and Textures by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

CherryBlossom for Cookie
by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

Blossoms & Bugs by Sarsa
Contact info: sarsa@sarsabess.com
This Product requires the previous purchase of Cookie and Cherry Blossom by LadyLittlefox

These items are Licensed through Runtimedna, Inc.
http://www.runtimedna.com
Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through RDNA

All items were assembled, manipluated and rendered with the Free Version of DAZ 3D.
http://www.daz3d.com/
Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through DAZ 3D Forums

Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through Renderosity
http://www.renderosity.com/index.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I missed any credit, link or any other pertinent information please let me know,
I am new to both making cookies and writing credits.  I will gladly correct, upload
and contact the people whom I know have used items.

Karmac Payment Plan:
I do for you today, you do for another tomorrow ... the "pay it forward" plan. 

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The PSP Blog Hop

Looks like I'm behind again!
So what else is new?
LOL

Let's get hopping folks!
I've hit the 18 on the list above us...
Everybody is AMAZING!
(Except for facebook who hates me right now...)
Can't wait to see who is next on the list!!!

Welcome one and all to the 1st Annual PSP Community Blog Hop!  We are so excited to have you all here and even more excited to be offering up the magnitude of prizes for each of you to win!  We cannot begin to tell you how amazing this event has turned out to be – and its only going to get even better today!
Huggles, Faerie

Cookies by Faerie & Pixie - FREEBIE


WooHoo! I just love the Cookies! How about you?!?

Here is a freebie for you, my Rainbow Eyes Cookie. Just right click and save the PNG to your computer.

There will be more Freebies coming!

Huggles, Faerie


Rainbow Eyes Cookie by FHP

Thank you for downloading my Cookie!
I'm thrilled, really I am!
Sparkly Faery Hugs,
Faerie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Terms of Use:
You may use my Cookie freely, however, please do not claim her as your own creation.
I have not just time and effort invested in my little gem, but also money.
I purchased the pieces used to make her.
I am not asking for money for my Cookie, only that you do not claim her as your own,
that you do not share or use her without credit back to me.
Email: Faerieheart@runbox.com
Blog:  http://faerieheart.blogspot.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Credits:
Cookie by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

ElfQueen Hair Cookie Mix & Match Hair Refits
Mesh and Textures by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

Gothic Gown for Cookie
by Regina LaGrone
Lady Littlefox Designs
Copyright 2009 - All Rights reserved

Whisp for Goth Gown (Required Gothic Gown for Cookie)
Whisp -  Copyright January 1 2009 by trumarcar
http://trumarcar.francemi.net/cookiechip_tc.htm

These items are Licensed through Runtimedna, Inc.
http://www.runtimedna.com/home.php
Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through RDNA

All items were assembled, manipluated and rendered with the Free Version of DAZ 3D.
http://www.daz3d.com/
Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through DAZ 3D and the DAZ 3D Forums

Additional Content may be purchased/obtained through Renderosity
http://www.renderosity.com/index.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I missed any credit, link or any other pertinent information please let me know,
I am new to both making cookies and writing credits.  I will gladly correct, upload
and contact the people whom I know have purchased items.

Lastly, thank you so much for stopping by!
I adore that too!

WooHoo!
Now...don't just sit there....go to the Links!!!

Karmac Payment Plan:
I do for you today, you do for another tomorrow ... the "pay it forward" plan.